Shhhhhhhhhhhh...ut The F🙊ck Up.

A little tip for anyone going to see a comedy show at a club or anywhere: No one is impressed by you being a heckling smartass. Shut the f🙊ck up. 

We are not on stage tossing out Facebook posts where you can just troll and throw out your shitty, hacky comment in return and hope others will "like" it. And you know how usually you only get 2-3 likes on that comment? Same goes for when you heckle at a comedy show. No one likes your fat mouth except the other 2-3 shitheads at your table. Trust me. Shut the f🙊ck up. 

We work hard to get up on that stage and perform for the audience. PERFORM. Like musicians. Like actors. Like those weird Cirque de Soleil acrobats. Like any other live-action artist. Give us the same manners as you would them. And give the people around you the respect of zipping your mouth-breathing mouth so at least they can enjoy it. Yes, just shhhhhhhhhhhh.

-ut the f🙊ck up.

If you don't like us, feel free to get up and leave. We won't mind. We won't pick on you. We get that comedy is subjective and we may not be everyone's taste. But just go. Step out. Or jump out the window. We'd much rather you bail and have a good time elsewhere than sit there and think you can make the show better with your dumb, stupid "fast wit" that really isn't that funny. Not in our world. Because if you think you can, you're just an outright asshole. And if you're not like that but is with someone who is, tell them that they're just an outright asshole. If you're all outright assholes? I hope all your heads blow up on the drive home. So you can shut the f🙊ck up forever. 

Okay? Got it? Good. Thanks for being a future awesome audience member. I'll shut the f🙊ck up now. 

Oh, I lied. One more thing: Quit looking down at your goddamn phones and look up at life. Shut the ph☎️ne up.