How It Feels To Do Comedy At A Hipster Open Mic When You're Not A Hipster:
1. Go to a wedding reception you weren't invited to.
2. Ask the DJ to stop the music while everyone is dancing so you can give a toast.
3. Give the best toast you've ever given.
4. Cue sweat on brow from way-too-hot spotlight.
5. Cue microphone feedback over silence.
6. Cue stone-faced stare down from bride's dad.
7. Wait for slow clap.
8. Wait for it.
9. Wait for it.
10. No slow clap.
11. Say, "That's my time. Thank you and goodnight, everyone."
12. Hear your footsteps echo throughout silent room as you walk off stage.
13. Music, dancing and good times resume.
14. Go straight to In-N-Out and order fries, animal style.
15. Take off clothes and rub animal style fries all over your body.
16. Go into forest and throw yourself to a pack of hungry wolves.